toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
