he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
