Apparently you make a good broom.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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