whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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