I am full of burrito and curiosity
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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