I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize