she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
