It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
