I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
