3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this beer tastes like vomit already
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
