I got chris browned last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
