I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
