Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
