oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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