the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
