So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
