Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize