You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
