I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
