A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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