dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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