my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
