He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
