I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
