your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
