I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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