dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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