JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
