i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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