Who wears a wallet chain?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
