I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize