she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
