8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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