Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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