Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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