oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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