Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
