yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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