I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
