During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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