dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
