Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
