hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there is glitter all over my balls
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