I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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