Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
