I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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