Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
