i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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