Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
