never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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