I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
