Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
