she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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