I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
