My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
