Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
