so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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