oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
