I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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