I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
