There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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