I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
