So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
