She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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