I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
