I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
COCAINE IS GR8
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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