I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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