If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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