I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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