you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Drunk is not a location!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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