I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
