I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
