And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
