I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize