Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize