did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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